Monday, January 15, 2007

Point / Doublepoint

I feel like my blog has become pretty boring lately. Nothing but aimless rambling and a few pictures of the same old projects, with only an inch or so knitted on. So today, I have a special presentation for you. You've heard of Point/Conterpoint? Well, I am happy to bring you "Point/Doublepoint", with our hosts, (mostly) Self-Taught Knitter and Clover DPN. Our topic today, Yarn Addiction, or "When a Pretty Stash becomes a Problem".

(mostly) Self-Taught Knitter: Clover, welcome to the blog.
Clover DPN: Thank you, I'm happy to be here.

(m)S-TK: Yarn addiction and excessive stashes seem to be a hot topic in blog-land these days. Why do you think that is?
CDPN: Well, yarn addictions build slowly over time. It starts with a skein here and a ball there, a pretty hank of sock yarn. Next thing the knitter knows, she is finding yarns she can't remember buying, and running into major yarn storage problems. The new year seems to be the perfect time to face this addiction head on and do something about it.

(m)S-TK: So what you're saying is, a knitter can find themselves deep in the throws of a yarn addiction before they even realize they have a problem.
CDPN: Right you are. Yarn addictions are silent and quick. You often don't realize you have a problem until you find yourself choosing to eat Raman Noodles for a week and spending your grocery budget on lace-weight silk.

(m)S-TK: How can one identify a yarn addiction?
CDPN: My advice is to set up a spreadsheet and catalog your stash. This way, one glance will tell you exactly what you have.

(m)S-TK: Oh yes, I've done that. It's a great organizational tool!
CDPN: Did you find yarns you didn't even know you had.

(m)S-TK: Ummm, well, maybe a couple. Not many though.
CDPN: That's the first sign. Once your spreadsheet is complete, calculate the total yardage and see if the number is much bigger than you expected.

(m)S-TK: (defensively) Yeah, so, mine was. I'm sure that's normal though, right?
CDPN: There is no room for "normal" when dealing with yarn addiction. Did you then convert your yarn yardage into miles? What was that number.

(m)S-TK: Now, come on, Clover, that's quite a personal question. It's like asking my age or my weight.
CDPN: It sounds like you feel you have something to hide. Does the number embarrass you?

(m)S-TK: Well, maybe it was a bit larger than I expected, but I certainly don't have a stash problem!!!!!
CDPN: Jane Karen, you ignorant slut yarn floozy!!! You are in the deepest throws of a yarn addiction! I had a peek at your spreadsheet, and we both know you could spend almost a month knitting a mile of yarn a day and still have some stash left over. My advice to you, admit you have a problem and get into a stash-along program immediately!!

(m)S-TK: Now listen hear, you pointy headed twig, those stash-alongs are madness! No yarn buying for months at a time? Some with only one free day during the entire span. Are you crazy? No knitter could live with that!!
CDPN: Yes, any knitter can! Plenty of knitters are signing up and can only benefit from this "group therapy". I can help you through it.

(m)S-TK: Pthhhhhhbbbtttttt. I don't need your stinking help. I'm just fine. I'll try to knit more for my stash, yes, but I'm not signing up for any crazy yarn diet!!
CDPN: Oh Karen, until you face your demons and admit you have a problem, there is nothing I can do to help you.

(m)S-TK: Well, you know what, I think we're out of time for today. Clover, uuuhh, (mumbles sarcastically) thanks for your time.
CDPN: I only wish I could have done more to help you.


MissyJoon said...

Don't you just hate doublepoints who try to be helpful? I refuse to sign up for anything having to do with curbing my yarn enthusiasm!

Elizabeth said...

My name is Elizabeth and I have a sock yarn addiction! I decided last night to take inventory, and capture everything in a spreadsheet, and I have over 5 miles of sock yarn. Unfortunately for me, I chose to do this where there were witnesses, so had to endure the jeering of the crowd. The statement of "well, other people have way more than me" didn't help much.

I may not be getting any sock yarn for my birthday.

Lynda said...

Very well done - I am cracking up, I totally lost it when you got to "Karen, you ignorant yarn floozy!" I wouldn't have thought you were old enough to know the old SNL's!

Judy said...

Karen, you got my day off to a great start. I am laughing out loud. I don't think I could handle converting my yards into miles of yarn. I would need a lifespan of about 300 years.

Olga said...

LOL!!! OMG, that is priceless. I also love the SNL reference! That Clover DPN sure did turn on you. You might have threatened to file it down to a toothpick.

Ragan said...

LOL!!! Heh heh! Karen you are so clever. Your post today was so awesome. It made my day. I am still chuckling. :)

Procrastiknitter said...


Anonymous said...

LOL - good one!

Anonymous said...

Too funny!

Zonda said...

That is totally awesome! Great post!! giggle, giggle! weee! :)

Anonymous said...

Hmmph. When the arctic caps have engulfed much of our land mass because on the non-existant global warming then just wait and see how many non-knitters come hovering around the nice, warm stashes.

KeanaLee said...

tOO FUNNY! I think that DPN should be reminded if it wasn't for all of our yarn addictions Clover would be out of a job.

Fields of Heather said...

That's hysterical!

Shall we lay out a program for recovering stash-addicts?

somebunnysloveDOTcom said...

Addiction?? Too much Stash?? If my DPNs started saying such stuff to me, it would be sent to live with the bunnies as their newest chew toy! ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! I think I'm almost glad that there just isn't any help for some of us... until I look at my bank account that is! ;)


sheep#100 said...

Ramen noodles to afford yarn - and they kind of look alike, too! LOL

The A.D.D. Knitter said...

You are so funny...and your blog is not boring in the least! At least you have actual finished objects and not pathertic purchases like me!!!

Ariel said...

Found your post through Yarnival...Too funny! Yarn diets never work anyway - all that self-denial just means that one day you snap and go on a stash-bloating yarn binge.

kathy b said...

Perhaps I am in denial....
is taking STASHOLOGY at Stitches this summer proof of my addiction? Nahhhhh, only if I leave and buy more yarn at the market...

Birdsong said...

Diana sent me and I greatly appreciate your wit; luckily the math to convert my yarn yardage to miles is just too mentally taxing... I think I need to fondle some mohair or alpaca instead.

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